Hi, I'm Fred
Operation Fred
Hi! Meet Fred!
The feral cat turned house cat
Today Fred lives a much different life
He enjoys treats and body rubs
Fred was a mournful singer
And loves living with his new family
A Moment To PAWS
"Pause and Reflect:
The Advantage of Purr-Spective"
When Fred first showed up, I had no place in my life for another cat. I was very happy and content with Penelope. I wasn’t looking to add to our household. But from the moment I heard those noises that sounded like danger and pain, I jumped into action on instinct alone. One minute I was happy with one cat, a husband, and the rest of our life and family. One second later, my maternal instincts took over.
Pause and Reflect: The Advantage of Purr-Spective
I have been fortunate (or unfortunate, depending on your purr-spective) to have been a part of leading teams through massive change, most specifically in the form of company acquisitions. I say fortunate, because the experiences taught me, not only about my own ability to navigate change, but also to allow and support others to move through the millions of emotions that they experience as individuals, and as groups, through processes that most people would like to avoid completely.
In particular, I worked with people from hundreds of medical device clinics whose companies were bought by a large corporate entity. Some of these people were the original owners of the company, some were family of the original owners, some were decades-long employees, some had been newly hired right before, during, or after the sale, and many things in between. And all these people had one thing in common.
The change they experienced caused them stress.
The changes weren’t always even bad. Sometimes the changes were incredibly positive to individuals and to groups, but regardless of the overall theme of “good change” or “bad change,” there was stress.
I am one of those strange people who actually embraces change, but don’t let that fool you. My statement doesn’t mean I always like it or that I don’t experience stress. I just happen to believe that change is vital for our growth, even when it isn’t comfortable. Probably most importantly when it isn’t comfortable.
The key, I believe, is to always strive to get people, including myself, to try to see things from every other single perspective, and not just your own.
This takes incredible patience and maturity, and some people are simply not willing to do it. Those are the ones that, during the acquisition process of bringing once independent clinics into one large, single entity, were the first to either self-select and quit, or those who had to be terminated.
Neither one of these scenarios were what I wanted, or what the parent company wanted. The ideal situation would be to have all employees adapt and embrace the changes and bring their wealth of knowledge and experience to the table, to help the new, much larger, family.
However, attitude is the defining characteristic. Those with the best attitudes were willing to give things a chance, to understand that different wasn’t always bad, and most importantly, from my point of view, they were willing, not only to ask good, thoughtful questions, but they were also willing to listen with an open mind.
Those that would ask questions, even those questions that seemed antagonistic at first, were often the people that would adapt the best over time. When they could ask questions, even tough and uncomfortable questions, and have them answered, did better. Even if they didn’t like the answers to the questions, those that went to the effort of asking, actually faired so much better and with so much less stress.
This brings us to Fred. And the porch. And to a completely different scenario where he was no longer “fed,” on his own, and to his own sense of safety and control. I changed the dynamics. I changed the pattern. I changed the vibe.
I turned the table.
Fred wasn’t able to ask me any questions since he neither speaks human and I don’t speak feline, but we both understood the dynamic. Something big had changed, and he could either adapt, or he could run away. Both were possibilities.
And yet, hadn’t we set the stage for success already? Yes, some of the rule had changed, but wasn’t the underlying truth the same? I come here. You feed me. I go about my life.
He didn’t need to know then that I had other plans in mind for the future. He was able to accept that simple truth.
The employees of those numerous companies who realized that the fundamental truths still existed (you have a job, you can do a good job, we will give you a paycheck every other week, but you need to do a good job and be a good employee to receive these benefits), were rewarded with new opportunities.
In fact, several of them ascended to higher heights because of their commitment to and trust in these fundamental truths. Others were able to stay on and adapt and be confident in the process.
Others ran away or were so bitter that they caused their own demise.
Yes, there were other good people with great attitudes and belief who unfortunately lost their jobs to redundancy, but those people who still kept great attitudes left with a nice going away package and some great reviews.
Fred weighed all of his options in a matter of minutes. These people feed me. They still want to feed me. I need food. They are changing the rules but seem like they still want to feed me.
I think I’ll give this a chance.
A = The Art of Purr-suasion: Leadership Feline Style
W = Whisker Wisdom = Purr-fecting Your Skills
S = Stray Cat Strut: Purr-Poseful Practice
"The Art of Purr-suasion
Leadership Feline Style"
Fred was clearly the one in charge, right from the beginning. He might not have known that, but he was. He could come or go, be seen or not. He was driven by his most basic instincts. Sleep, eat, protect himself. I, however, thought he should immediately and fully love me. Right away.
The Art of Purr-suasion: Leadership Feline Style
Trust must be nimble. You must be able to adapt quickly, read situations, react to changing circumstances, and more. You also have to be able to forget.
According to the fictional character Ted Lasso, “be a goldfish.” He concludes that goldfish are the happiest of all animals because they have a 10 second memory.
That could apply to leadership as well. You could benefit from a 10 second memory.
But not always. You can’t forget in the case of an employee who, despite being counseled numerous times on any issue, continues with the same behaviors. It’s all about the shelf.
I attended a wedding a few years ago where the bride was Christian and the groom was Jewish, and the marriage was presided over by both a Christian pastor and a Rabbi. The ceremony was quite enjoyable despite the incredible heat of the afternoon, but the Rabbi won the “contest” for best marital advice.
Clean the shelf.
He encouraged the couple, as well as everyone in attendance, to imagine a shelf in your marriage. This isn’t a physical shelf, but it helps to envision it as real. And every day, things get put on this hypothetical shelf.
Laughter, tears, joys and grievances. If your husband left the toilet seat up and it annoyed you, that goes on the shelf. If your wife left the milk on the counter before she left for work and now you don’t have milk with dinner, that goes on the shelf as well.
Our shelves can get really full during the course of a day. But as a couple, if you take inventory of the shelf every night before bed, you have a powerful opportunity.
Together you can review the wonders of the day, the feelings of joy, the moments of laughter and bliss. Take a moment to reflect on what was good about the day between you both, like complimenting one another or take time to rub someone’s aching shoulders.
Then the tougher work begins. Take a look at the grievances, the frustrations, the hurt feelings, and talk about them too. Discuss them. Talk openly about them. Don’t allow the small moments of a day to build up on the shelf and gather dust as well as more hurts.
“I know you probably didn’t know that you left the toilet seat up this morning, but I certainly did when I fell in.” That could be a chance to express frustration while also making something funny.
“When I came home tonight, I saw that you left the milk on the counter. I know you probably thought you put it back in the fridge. It’s obviously gone bad now. I’m disappointed that I can’t have a glass of milk with dinner.” This could be an opportunity to give news that is just news (the milk was left out), to show your awareness that it wasn’t on purpose (I know you probably thought you put it back), and to still allow for you to experience disappointment.
But imagine how many days we let the frustration of the toilet seat go, to build up on the shelf, to be surrounded by other hurst and frustrations, until we begin to believe that the person knowingly and willfully does it just to annoy us. How does that support trust?
Clean the shelf off. Be a goldfish.
You can obviously see the correlations to the workplace as well. The employee who arrives late to work a couple times a week. The employee that is always slow in delivering results. The co-worker who spends too much time gossiping in the break room. The manager in another department who is aggressive and creates strife.
How many times are the frustrating behaviors simply allowed to build up on the shelf?
Being a leader takes that much more energy. Time. Focus. Attention.
Should people be responsible for themselves? Absolutely. Do we, as leaders, have the opportunity to clean the shelf more frequently, to deal with issues sooner, with less emotional baggage, and then move on?
Definitely.
With Fred, I realized that my initial response to act, and act quickly (aka, run right out the door with a bowl of food) was not going to get me the outcome I was looking for. I had to be able to adapt and change my strategy, but also to clean my own mental shelf. I had to review what was working and what was not, be flexible and open to adaptation, and let the mistakes go. Certainly, I wasn’t “forgetting” them in truth. I was letting them go in order to free up emotional space for the next attempt. If I wallowed in my mistakes, I wouldn’t be open to what was possible.
And can that lesson be applied to leadership?
Unequivocally.
" Whisker Wisdom:
Purr-fecting Your Skills"
I have a training that I conduct all over the world that kicks off with this question: Have you ever said to yourself, it’s easier to just do it myself rather than taking the time to teach someone else to do it? Most leaders laugh, a bit uncomfortably, because they know they have. We all have. Heck, even though I teach this for a living, I find myself doing it even today.
Whisker Wisdom: Purr-fecting Your Skills
How do you practice this balance between trust, a goldfish memory and true accountability? You need to be mindful of everyone on your team, at all times, helping them move to their ultimate levels of success.
According to the fictional character Ted Lasso, “be a goldfish.” He concludes that goldfish are the happiest of all animals because they have a 10 second memory.
That could apply to leadership as well. You could benefit from a 10 second memory.
But not always. You can’t forget in the case of an employee who, despite being counseled numerous times on any issue, continues with the same behaviors. It’s all about the shelf.
I attended a wedding a few years ago where the bride was Christian and the groom was Jewish, and the marriage was presided over by both a Christian pastor and a Rabbi. The ceremony was quite enjoyable despite the incredible heat of the afternoon, but the Rabbi won the “contest” for best marital advice.
Clean the shelf.
He encouraged the couple, as well as everyone in attendance, to imagine a shelf in your marriage. This isn’t a physical shelf, but it helps to envision it as real. And every day, things get put on this hypothetical shelf.
Laughter, tears, joys and grievances. If your husband left the toilet seat up and it annoyed you, that goes on the shelf. If your wife left the milk on the counter before she left for work and now you don’t have milk with dinner, that goes on the shelf as well.
Our shelves can get really full during the course of a day. But as a couple, if you take inventory of the shelf every night before bed, you have a powerful opportunity.
Together you can review the wonders of the day, the feelings of joy, the moments of laughter and bliss. Take a moment to reflect on what was good about the day between you both, like complimenting one another or take time to rub someone’s aching shoulders.
Then the tougher work begins. Take a look at the grievances, the frustrations, the hurt feelings, and talk about them too. Discuss them. Talk openly about them. Don’t allow the small moments of a day to build up on the shelf and gather dust as well as more hurts.
“I know you probably didn’t know that you left the toilet seat up this morning, but I certainly did when I fell in.” That could be a chance to express frustration while also making something funny.
“When I came home tonight, I saw that you left the milk on the counter. I know you probably thought you put it back in the fridge. It’s obviously gone bad now. I’m disappointed that I can’t have a glass of milk with dinner.” This could be an opportunity to give news that is just news (the milk was left out), to show your awareness that it wasn’t on purpose (I know you probably thought you put it back), and to still allow for you to experience disappointment.
But imagine how many days we let the frustration of the toilet seat go, to build up on the shelf, to be surrounded by other hurst and frustrations, until we begin to believe that the person knowingly and willfully does it just to annoy us. How does that support trust?
Clean the shelf off. Be a goldfish.
You can obviously see the correlations to the workplace as well. The employee who arrives late to work a couple times a week. The employee that is always slow in delivering results. The co-worker who spends too much time gossiping in the break room. The manager in another department who is aggressive and creates strife.
How many times are the frustrating behaviors simply allowed to build up on the shelf?
Being a leader takes that much more energy. Time. Focus. Attention.
Should people be responsible for themselves? Absolutely. Do we, as leaders, have the opportunity to clean the shelf more frequently, to deal with issues sooner, with less emotional baggage, and then move on?
Definitely.
With Fred, I realized that my initial response to act, and act quickly (aka, run right out the door with a bowl of food) was not going to get me the outcome I was looking for. I had to be able to adapt and change my strategy, but also to clean my own mental shelf. I had to review what was working and what was not, be flexible and open to adaptation, and let the mistakes go. Certainly, I wasn’t “forgetting” them in truth. I was letting them go in order to free up emotional space for the next attempt. If I wallowed in my mistakes, I wouldn’t be open to what was possible.
And can that lesson be applied to leadership?
Unequivocally.
"Stray Cat Strut
"Purr-Poseful Practice
In lesson one I am mostly trying to raise your curiosity (get the cat reference?) on self-reflection. I often say that we can’t change anyone else. We can only change ourselves. But we can become leaders who are able to genuinely and positively influence others to change. That is a mark of true success.
Stray Cat Strut: Purr-poseful Practice
How do you practice this balance between trust, a goldfish memory and true accountability? You need to be mindful of everyone on your team, at all times, helping them move to their ultimate levels of success.
But first, there’s you.
Ask yourself first what your own shelf looks like. Bring out your mirror and take a look.
Before facing the issue of the often tardy employee, ask yourself how (and when) you show up every day. You might not be someone who is late, but do you leave early or at odd times without letting your team know where you are going and how long you’ll be gone? Are you responsive to them when they need something from you?
When you take a look at your own shelf, you are trying to understand the context of an issue, not just the details of the issue. For instance, is it even an issue if they are late to the office? In some cases, the answer will always be yes, for hourly employees, or specific shift workers, etc. A flight attendant or pilot being late for work is much different than a salaried employee who always gets their work done on time, but who might get stuck in the drop-off line at their child’s school.
If your shelf is clean, have you taken the steps to clean the shelf with this employee? Have you had the right conversation at the right time with the right follow up?
If the answer is yes to those questions, then you know it’s no longer a matter of a goldfish memory. It is time to take the next steps.
If you answered no to one or more of those questions, then it’s time to act.
When you follow this process with everyone who is not meeting your expectations, then you will be truly be purr-fecting your skills.
S = Stray Cat Strut: Purr-Poseful Practice
Put this concept into practice this week by doing the following:
- Make a list of all the members of your team that you directly manage.
- For each person, write down one thing about them that you trust in, absolutely.
- Decide how you can express this trust to them in a way that will feel to them like a compliment out of the blue.
- Sally, I was just thinking about you the other day and how much I value your commitment to your job and to this company. I am so fortunate to have you on my team.
- Then write down one area that needs additional trust built. Remember, this exercise is just about ONE area, not 5 or 10 or a dozen. The goal is to begin somewhere, not everywhere.
- Go through the process of:
- Mirror – Self reflection on their area to strengthen.
- Shelf – Ask yourself what is on the shelf and identify what needs to be cleaned.
- Goldfish or Action? – Determine if the issue is truly important and needs to be addressed. If it is, act. If it isn’t, be a goldfish.
- Decide if the trust compliment can serve you in mitigating their area for improvement if that is necessary. Can you use them together to clean the shelf, to open up lines of communication and collaboration, and then move on?
- Sally, I was just thinking about you the other day and how much I value your commitment to your job and to this company. I am so fortunate to have you on my team.
- I do know that others look up to you, and I also want to discuss an area that I’d like you to focus on. You’ve been coming in late since the start of the school year, and your colleagues are noticing. How can we allow you to do what needs to be done when you take you son to school and also show the team that you value our start time?
- Decide how you can express this trust to them in a way that will feel to them like a compliment out of the blue.
I wonder why anyone would live inside when they could live outside.
Fred Sherlock