“If you want a passionate and dynamic relationship where you feel cherished and self-expressed, then uncompromising intimacy is the way to go.” Alexandra Stockwell

Relationships do not thrive by chance, and neither does compromise lead to long term relationship success. This is according to our guest today Alexandra Stockwell, who believes that spouses should not let their partners’ needs become more important than their own. Rather, she encourages vulnerability and honesty in communicating each others’ wants and desires.

Alexandra Stockwell, MD is known as “The Intimacy Doctor.” She is an Intimate Marriage Expert who specializes in coaching couples to build beautiful, long-lasting, passionate relationships.

She is the bestselling author of “Uncompromising Intimacy” and host of The Intimate Marriage Podcast. First as a Family Medicine doctor and now as a coach, for over 20 years Alexandra has shown men and women how to bring pleasure and purpose into all aspects of life– from the daily grind of running a household to clear and intimate communication (and ecstatic experiences in the bedroom).

A wife of 25 years and a mother of 4, Alexandra believes the key to passion and fulfillment, intimacy and success, isn’t compromise–it’s being unwilling to compromise. Because when both people feel free to be themselves, the relationship becomes juicy, nourishing, and deeply satisfying.

Alexandra has been featured in the Huffington Post, Rolling Stone, USAToday, Cosmopolitan, Business Insider, thriveglobal, mindbodygreen, FOX NEWS NYC, and Disruptors Magazine recently named her one of “30 Inspiring Women to Watch in 2022.”

In today’s episode, Alexandra will discuss about her journey to becoming an intimacy coach. She will also shade light on how she helps her clients have more intimate and fulfilled relationships.

Listen in!

Social media handles:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alexandra.stockwell.intimacy/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alexandrastockwellcoach/
Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/hotmarriage
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alexandrastockwell/

I was practicing medicine and love being a doctor. [3:53]
I found that while I did love practicing medicine, I didn’t have that sense of being glad that I was working this hard. [4:03]
At the level of a whisper, I knew that it hadn’t landed in the way that I expected would be motivating for me. [4:58]
The other thing is that I prioritized my patients over my family and my family over myself. [5:11]
I knew that something was off, and I wanted to make it right, and it took a lot of courage. [6:15]
I arranged a sabbatical and for the first time in my life in my mid-30s, I gave myself permission to slow down in a way that is very unfamiliar for highly competent women. [6:31]
One thing led to another and I got to the point where I really wanted to focus on sensuality and sexuality for myself and for my marriage. [7:53]
I took a deep dive into a beautiful confronting training, and it doubled as a relationship and intimacy coach training. [8:26]
When I went into that teaching lab, I got a feeling that I yearned for, which I didn’t have in medicine, but I can still do so many of the things that I really loved about medicine. [9:36]
Even in the intensity of my life at the time, it was a priority to me to notice the whispers. [12:37]
I think that the more competent and accomplished we are, that can sometimes mean losing touch with listening to the whispers. [12:48]
It is very possible to listen to the whispers without losing your momentum in life. [13:03]
Sometimes people hear the word mindfulness and they think of meditating on a mountain top or having a life with tremendous peace. [14:56]
Mindful awareness can be brought to any moment and it doesn’t take more time to just expand our inner horizon and see what’s there. [15:11]
In compromising, we are taught to deprioritize what we want, and instead prioritize what we think will be more comfortable for our partner. [16:23]
If you want a passionate and dynamic relationship where you feel cherished and self-expressed, then uncompromising intimacy is the way to go. [17:15]
The way that I’m using the word uncompromising is that you prioritize your own experience instead of deprioritizing it in favor of what you think your partner will respond to. [17:47]
If what you want is really to feel alive, vibrant and passionate in your relationship, you have to bring all of who you are and be willing to share it. [18:52]
Commercial break. [20:24]
For most couples, it takes a crisis to turn attention to this and one of the reasons it does is because people don’t realize how much is possible. [24:37
I have a very particular part of my heart devoted to couples who reach out when everything looks great but they can see that there’s just a lot more possible. [25:17]
Most of us spend a lot of time on doing the not important things and we end up creating lives where we are putting way too much of our attention on things which are urgent. [30:55]
Wherever you are, don’t wait until your relationship is in the urgent category which it will be if you are not honoring it while it is in the important category. [32:07]
We don’t choose our desires but we are always in relationship with them, the essential action step is to give yourself the inner space to become aware of what you desire. [38:19]

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